Bobby Backhand Looks Forward to the New Season

Bobby Backhand Looks Forward to the New Season

[dropcap]SH_1784[/dropcap]I’m really looking forward to the new season. My preparations are all done; I worked out an 8 week fitness programme with my coach Johnny Noclue – and even though I was on holiday for 2 weeks, away with work for 2 and tweaked me groin for a couple of weeks, – for the rest of the time I’ve been proper focussed. And I mean, like, total.

I’ve been working on a combination of fitness and technique – I call it fitnique. As you all know, I’ve got some great shots which I can play from anywhere on the court depending on exactly how badly I’ve been sent the wrong way. But I wanted to add more.

So, I’ve been working on a drive to length which looks like it goes to the back of the court, but it doesn’t. It’s a fooler. My coach says it’s like a squashical illusion. I think he made that word up, like when he called me a ‘talent-void’. That’s just made up. It’s a bit technical for most of you to understand how it works, but let’s just say it’s a heady talent cocktail of spin, slice, drop and lob that make it work. Look out for it soon – if you can see it that is! It’s that deceptive.

I then moved on to trying to improve my volleys – but we couldn’t remember what the grip was for them, coz it changes depending on what side you want the ball to go out on. We decided my volleys are probably good enough anyway, as I’ve been playing them before they were invented. So on that day we played the quiz machine in the bar.

But then – drop shots. And that’s where I’ve seen the biggest improvement in my game. I’ve developed a drop-shot which is completely impossible to see. Basically, you shape up to play a drive, – but you don’t actually play a drive – you play a drop shot ! In a routined full 1-minute exercise, my training partner Freddy Forehand thought that every one of my shots was going to be a drive – but they weren’t, they were all drop shots! Well, apart from the 6 that went out, the 2 that hit me on the leg and one that hit him in the eye. And that’s after both his new hips and his plastic knee had warmed up. That’s how good they are.

So yeh, bring on the new season. I’m sure I’ll remain unbeaten till our 1st match, as I did last year, and the year before actually. Of course I’ll be using FaysBook and Twittar to keep you updated, and I’ve heard some of my matches may even be getting streamed live to some of your clubs! Laters. Bobby.


  1. Thanks Bobby – I can’t wait to see you on court playing those new shots. I know the last time we played I beat you 33-0 but some of your ‘out of court again’ stuff was masterful. I think all Northumbria players should heed your advice – practice is crucial. Or is it crucial is practised ? – I can’t remember – but the point is you need to keep on improving. And you definitely need to improve, Bobby. I know you also proposed a new scoring system 2PAR, where you get 2 points per rally, so the games are a bit shorter, just until your stamina improves. I’m not sure the Committee have voted on that yet, but I think your other proposal of rallies being a maximum length of 3 shots , with the 3rd shot having to be a forehand, will get voted in. It’ll certainly get us to the bar quicker and save our backhands for friendlies. Laters. Davey Drop

  2. Hey Bobby. I watched your game last week. You played really well – we were all impressed. We only left because Grand Designs was coming on and we hadn’t seen it. Not only have your shots improved but your fitness as as well. You wore that guy out in the 5 th. It didn’t matter you’d already lost 3-0 , we add them on if it looks better. And some of those drop shots, how good we’re they. Well, the one that wasn’t down anyway – that was class. Personally I thought it was a mishit but they all count. That guy shouldn’t have sworn at you anyway. Nice one Bobby. laters. Harry.

  3. Hey Northumbria, I have to tell you I was down at Tynemouth tonight watching a team game or something between some of their players and some of Jesmonds. It was excellent ! I’ve played squash for 28 yrs, but have never heard of this team squash malarkey – what a great idea. Basically what happens I think is they all turn up, and have obviously been given a secret number. Then they go on court with one of the other lot, and ask them what their number is, but just play them anyway. In tonights match, it was amazing! It looked to me like all the secret numbers matched, so the bloke who had a secret number 3 played the bloke from the other side who had a secret number 3 as well. What’s the chances of that eh? Anyway, when the match started, there was some great rallies man. Me & me mate Harry Hitsithard usually have rallies of up to 3 shots, you know, like 1 good one each and then a fluke. But some of these went on for 7 shots! Unbelievable. Some of the players had this shot where they ‘nicked’ the ball – I did see one bloke with it in his pocket, and I think its a bit stupid. They also have entertainment on as well – a bloke in the middle they called The Marker. Basically what happens is he says something like “hmm can you play a let on that one please” and half the people look down embarrassed and the other half start shouting at him. Then 4 rallies later – they swap over! It’s good to watch. It ended tonight with the Marker going straight home after the match and 3 blokes throwing their phones at him! What a laugh.
    Anyway I’m going to watch some more of this team stuff next week, so I’ll keep you posted. Laters. Danny.

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